Back when I was a student, this was a phrase that I uttered at least a couple of times a month, if not more. It would be so common to hear someone say, 'I can't meet up this weekend, I gotta sort out my life'. What does this even mean though? I am 25 years old now. And I honestly thought that by now I would have got my self together. Growing up, I used to spend hours writing in my diary or parading around my room envisioning |
what I thought my 'grown-up' life would be like. I imagined myself very successful, married to a wonderful man, pregnant or with kids. I saw myself being very cool and collected. Truth be told, I have never felt more like I was falling apart at the seams. And I think, one reason why it strikes me so much now is BECAUSE of all those teen-year dreams I had.
I honestly feel like I am losing it at times. I am 25 years old and I weigh more than I have ever done in my entire life. Since I got married, I have really let myself go and I am so ashamed to admit it, I now weight 20 kilograms more than I did at my wedding date. It gets worse when I admit that I got married less than two years ago. I am now a whopping 80kgs and still eating my way through!
My homemaking skills are so devastatingly poor. About two years ago I wrote a blog post about how I was up at 3am doing my laundry. I am still the same. But it's worse now because I am married and I should be more organized when it comes to my homemaking duties.
I honestly feel like I am losing it at times. I am 25 years old and I weigh more than I have ever done in my entire life. Since I got married, I have really let myself go and I am so ashamed to admit it, I now weight 20 kilograms more than I did at my wedding date. It gets worse when I admit that I got married less than two years ago. I am now a whopping 80kgs and still eating my way through!
My homemaking skills are so devastatingly poor. About two years ago I wrote a blog post about how I was up at 3am doing my laundry. I am still the same. But it's worse now because I am married and I should be more organized when it comes to my homemaking duties.
I run two part-time business. That is the good news Alhamdulillah. The bad news is I don't give in my all to either of these ventures. I still attempt these half-heartedly when I could be doing so much more...
So why put this all into writing and make it public? Well, because for me, I have always found that seeing words appear makes things clearer Alhamdulillah. And honestly, if writing is a form of release then Alhamdulillah for that blessing in my life.
I just want to sort things out. I want to SORT OUT MY LIFE. I want to start eating healthy and I want to start making healthier meals for my husband too. We are both so overweight and I know how risky this can be. I want to run a beautiful home for the two of us where it doesn't send me into a panic if an unexpected visitor drops in. I want to establish a cleaning rota where the thought of cooking a meal doesn't make me think of the dirty kitchen and leave me running for the takeaway menus. I want to manage my money better and our businesses too especially since we are both working from home now. I want to do all of this and not to mention be more committed with my religious obligations as well. In Shaa Allah!
So why put this all into writing and make it public? Well, because for me, I have always found that seeing words appear makes things clearer Alhamdulillah. And honestly, if writing is a form of release then Alhamdulillah for that blessing in my life.
I just want to sort things out. I want to SORT OUT MY LIFE. I want to start eating healthy and I want to start making healthier meals for my husband too. We are both so overweight and I know how risky this can be. I want to run a beautiful home for the two of us where it doesn't send me into a panic if an unexpected visitor drops in. I want to establish a cleaning rota where the thought of cooking a meal doesn't make me think of the dirty kitchen and leave me running for the takeaway menus. I want to manage my money better and our businesses too especially since we are both working from home now. I want to do all of this and not to mention be more committed with my religious obligations as well. In Shaa Allah!
Recently I have had breakdown moments where I've felt like just bawling my eyes out because I just don't know. I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin when my own skin has stretched out to accommodate all this excess weight. Everything I own is too tight on me so I often wear hubby's clothing which makes me so ashamed of myself. I often have no energy which means I then end up staying at home more, sleeping in and ignoring everyone else. I have grown so far-apart from so many of my friends and it is something I feel so sad about as well. In Shaa Allah I will work hard to change all of this. No more delaying and waiting until tomorrow.
Recently I've had this dream to publish a book. Well actually it's more like two 'sort-of ' thought out ideas. But I've come to realize that with all things, until I settle down and get my self together, things are not going to just happen for me. So In Shaa Allah, the time is now!
Recently I've had this dream to publish a book. Well actually it's more like two 'sort-of ' thought out ideas. But I've come to realize that with all things, until I settle down and get my self together, things are not going to just happen for me. So In Shaa Allah, the time is now!